ComPLETEly ridiculous

As the Harry Potter film franchise fires its final, phenomenal, fantastical shot, I am horrified at the new marketing depths I have just seen Warner Bros. stoop to.

In the supermarket, there is a DVD boxed set for sale of Harry Potter Years 1-7, Part 1.

Are you kidding me? It was bad enough that they produced boxed sets of every sub-series up to that point, although I would have supposed they were hoping they could trick people who weren’t familiar with the books into thinking, ‘Hmm… I’ll get films 1-6 now, then 7-12 when they release those,’ and so on. (Poor Daniel, Rupert and Emma.)

But just exactly how stupid do they think people are? If anyone is enough of a completionist to want a boxed set of the entire series, why, oh why, oh why would they get this product, only to have to get Part 2 all by its lonely self?

If I don’t
place myself under
pressure
to
post-something-every-single-day
I think
this blog will
hold my interest better
and
I will have the
stamina to keep working on it longer
and
I will enjoy it more.

I heard a rumour that the UK government might consider scrapping summer time (or daylight saving time, for my fellow Americans still in America). And what a fantastic move that would be! I always really, really dread the spring time change.

Here we were, just starting to get a reasonable amount of daylight, able to go to work after dawn, that sort of thing. Then WHAMMO. A week of thinking, ‘I’m not tired yet… I don’t really need to go to bed now.’ Then the next morning, ‘It can’t be 6 yet. It’s really only 5.’ You keep losing that hour day after day.

And for what, again? More outdoor activities at night? Doesn’t seem to work that way. Saving energy? No, not really. I snapped a couple of photos out the front door, the first around 6:00 in the morning and the second around 8:00 in the evening. You just sort of change which time of day you have to use the electric lights:

Day?

Night?

Now, from past experience, I don’t recall that there is ever sun at midnight or anything. At midsummer here, it gets completely dark by, what, 11:00?

- The Snark

Take us to your litter

As I continued on, three thoughts went through my head.

1. Ick.
2. Space Invaders… My wife was just showing me some cookies she’d seen online decorated with a ‘Space Invaders’ theme.
3. Crisp packs sitting on the ground like this really are space invaders! (Ooh… deep… clever…)

It later turned out that the product is actually called ‘Space Raiders’ rather than ‘Space Invaders’, probably for fairly good reasons. So not quite as clever. Oh, well. Still works.

I decided I would snap a picture, write a post and then pick up that package. Plus a very dead umbrella nearby.

Amphibious landing

Plus a glove (or possibly a severed Muppet hand) that had been abandoned in our garden since well before the thaw—seriously, a month at least.

Unrequited glove

At first, I was just going to bin it, because I figured, it’s never been reclaimed, and who would really want the ugly thing back? Then I thought maybe I should ask the neighbours in case it belonged to one of their kids, never mind how ugly it was. Then I thought it must be really un-hygienic as well as ugly, so the best idea was to toss it after all.

So there we go. I was inspired to clear away three pieces of litter. My blog has done its first actual good deed in the world.

- The Snark

A screen shot showing Microsoft's idea of what my sentence should say; zoom in for the full effect

Yes, this particular pearl of wisdom suggests that I should replace I’m with me’m.

?!

I really don’t know what else there is to say. Just… wow.

- The Snark

Look around you and pick up any Disney product. Any DVD, book, licensed toy, key fob, poster, appliance, article of furniture etc. In much of the world, the nearest such object is probably within ten paces.

Now… Turn it around to look at the back, or the bottom, or open it up to look inside, wherever is the least visible—and squint very, very hard. You can always find a copyright notice. And it always looks like this:

© Disney

(Except smaller.)

There’s no date! I started noticing this trend a few years back, when all I wanted to do was find out when a particular movie had been made.

Time was, by neglecting to include a date—never mind refusing to do so—Disney would have been forfeiting their copyright in the US. My personal theory is that the Mouse is forever thumbing his round, black nose at the American system, in revenge for a massive copyright fail early in Walt’s career.

And as usual with Disney, there is the sense of a more sinister aspect lurking in the background, too. Copyright protection is supposed to be limited, particularly with regard to duration. The company is well-known for spearheading campaigns to extend the length of copyright, and it’s perfectly logical to expect them to keep trying that tactic indefinitely. Meanwhile, supposing they do not achieve perpetual ownership, how will you know if something is still protected or not if you don’t know when it was made?

Disney do not draw attention to this practice. They just do it.

(Actually, given viewing statistics, I would be surprised about the zebra head thing. Oh, well.)

This superb image is in the public domain!

- The Snark

Date: Tue, 11 May 2010 15:01:03 +0300 (EAT)
Subject: SCAM ALERT…
From: “DR. DAVID IKENNA”

NIGERIAN FOREIGN PAYMENT INVESTIGATION AGENCY
ANTI- TERRORISM
CLEARANCE/FRAUD UNIT
FALOMO OFFICE COMPLEX IKOYI
LAGOS-NIGERIA.
Motto:Security watch

FROM THE DESK OF :
DR. DAVID B. IKENNA
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
FORIEGN PAYMENT AGENCY
CABLEGRAM: NAPTCOR

Good Day,

RE: FRAUD ALERT/FINAL NOTICE

Based on our findings in this investigation department we wish to warn you
against some Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts who go about scamming innocent
people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image
of this wonderful country. We were informed that some Hoodlums are
contacting you in respect to the collection of your fund which was long
approved in your favour with the Central Bank of Nigeria.

As a matter of fact we have been on this investigation assignments for
some time secretly known to no one but the Presidency and some top
government official who are in support of this investigation team to help
stop fraudalent activities in this country and as well restore the image
that has been tarnished by the below listed group of people.

Although we have been able to come up with some good result about the
people that have extorted money from you illegally and I wish to list them
so that you will personally indicate them by writing back to us with the
name of whom scammed you among them as we want to make sure your payment
is routed to you without any further delay and note that we will surely
deal and bring to book the names of people below if only you will
cooperate with us by co indicating correctly any of them.

… (etc etc etc) …

Finally, we are expecting to hear from you today unfailingly so as to
enable us serve you better and wire your funds into your Bank account as
nominated. Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation and
understanding while we wait for your urgent response.

Yours sincerely,

DR. DAVID B. IKENNA.
(Director, Nigerian Foreign Payment Investigation department)

Hello,

Thank you for sharing this. I’m glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate your thinking of me when you decided to send it on.

It was indeed amusing/inspirational/touching/intriguing. So I understand why I have been asked to continue passing the message to others who may like it, although that probably is best left to my judgment, don’t you think?

On the other hand, the request to send a copy of it directly back to YOU puzzles me. You’ve seen it already, haven’t you? Do you actually want to read it again that many times? Sending a message with graphics/sound clips/videos uses up a lot of bandwidth and energy, and I feel certain you would agree it’s not good to burn trees for no reason. (To avoid confusion: sending an email ‘back’ takes just as much bandwidth and energy as sending it ‘forward’.) Tell you what, I’ll try hard to send you a quick note or a different forward once in a while instead.

Likewise, it would be very nice to avoid emotional/spiritual/circumstantial blackmail in forwards regarding how I use them—after all, in the distant past, i.e., a couple of weeks ago, it was a complete stranger to me who originally wrote these promises of inner peace/unexpected riches/deep shame/true love. Would you mind just deleting such lines before sending future messages? Not only does it make them nicer and more readable, but it’s a chance for you to demonstrate that you care enough for ME to take those few minutes.

If you have any thoughts about this, I would love to hear a reply from you.

As long as you DON’T simply return this message unedited, I’ll know we are cool.

- The@Snark

But get this. You know ‘toll-free’ numbers in America—the equivalent of freephone in the UK? When I call one of those, I hear a recording, ‘The toll-free number you have dialled is not toll-free if called from outside the United States. You will be charged at international direct-dial rates. If you do not wish to be charged, please hang up now.’

And it’s true. With this package I’m on:

1. American toll-free numbers are charged.
2. American toll numbers are free. Relatively.

It’s only a few pence per minute, and I don’t need to call often, but what gives?

The other thing is that quite a few American companies exclusively use toll-free numbers, perhaps (one might charitably think) out of genuine courtesy to their customers. Their customers resident in America, at any rate.

So I think I’m stuck with this bizarre and mildly obnoxious irony until Orange realises they’re being numpties about it.

- The Snark

This particular marketer has phoned our house a lot. I think the recorded message starts: ‘This is a free public service announcement. Please, do not hang up.’ …yadda yadda, manna from heaven… ‘To hear how you can take advantage of this opportunity and write off up to 100% of your debts, then press “2″ on your telephone keypad now.’

The bad grammar is the most offensive thing of all.

Okay, so they’ve had their little joke. Fair do’s. (Dos? Dooze?) Who knows what they tell people who actually try to take them up on it. Me, I just wanted to know who they were because now I am on the Telephone Preference Service register, and I was going to report them.*

So I pressed ’2′, which did get me through to a real person, but when I asked her what company she was calling from, she hung up. Which. Is. Massively. Illegal.

I couldn’t get a callback number, either. Also illegal. Having done some searches, I’ve come up with a couple of close matches on whocallsme.com: 02031891150 or 02030601580. Anyone have any theories on who these clowns are? Male reader, posh voice, grammatically challenged?

‘Public service’, my dooze.

- The Snark

*There is now new information, but I need more details and it will have to wait until next week.