The Hunting of the Snark

25/07/2012

Cycling: Carbon Neutral?

Filed under: Snarky — Jeremy Irish @ 20:15
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Today at the park and ride, I saw a man struggling for quite some time to secure his bicycle to his car, with the engine idling all the while. I thought that rather undermined his efforts to be environmentally friendly.

– The Snark

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29/03/2011

The aliens have littered

Filed under: Snarky — Jeremy Irish @ 21:35
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I went out to the shops last week and saw this object sitting on the busy footpath in front of our house:

A discarded empty crisp pack of Space Raiders

Take us to your litter

As I continued on, three thoughts went through my head.

  1. Ick.
  2. Space Invaders… My wife was just showing me some cookies she’d seen online decorated with a ‘Space Invaders’ theme.
  3. Crisp packs sitting on the ground like this really are space invaders! (Ooh… deep… clever…)

It later turned out that the product is actually called ‘Space Raiders’ rather than ‘Space Invaders’, probably for fairly good reasons. So not quite as clever. Oh, well. Still works.

I decided I would snap a picture, write a post and then pick up that package. Plus a very dead umbrella nearby.

A child's ruined umbrella apparently resembling a frog

Amphibious landing

Plus a glove (or possibly a severed Muppet hand) that had been abandoned in our garden since well before the thaw—seriously, a month at least.

A small, pink, furry, fetid glove

Unrequited glove

At first, I was just going to bin it, because I figured, it’s never been reclaimed, and who would really want the ugly thing back? Then I thought maybe I should ask the neighbours in case it belonged to one of their kids, never mind how ugly it was. Then I thought it must be really un-hygienic as well as ugly, so the best idea was to toss it after all.

So there we go. I was inspired to clear away three pieces of litter. My blog has done its first actual good deed in the world.

– The Snark

01/05/2010

Do it just like the banks

I got another call the other night from one of those companies charitably explaining to me that, as a result of recent UK government legislation, I may be entitled to a ‘debt relief order’. They, of course, have no vested interest in the proceedings at all. Presumably the government is happy to pick up the bill as they have done for bank after bank.

This particular marketer has phoned our house a lot. I think the recorded message starts: ‘This is a free public service announcement. Please, do not hang up.’ …yadda yadda, manna from heaven… ‘To hear how you can take advantage of this opportunity and write off up to 100% of your debts, then press “2” on your telephone keypad now.’

The bad grammar is the most offensive thing of all.

Okay, so they’ve had their little joke. Fair do’s. (Dos? Dooze?) Who knows what they tell people who actually try to take them up on it. Me, I just wanted to know who they were because now I am on the Telephone Preference Service register, and I was going to report them.*

So I pressed ‘2’, which did get me through to a real person, but when I asked her what company she was calling from, she hung up. Which. Is. Massively. Illegal.

I couldn’t get a callback number, either. Also illegal. Having done some searches, I’ve come up with a couple of close matches on whocallsme.com: 02031891150 or 02030601580. Anyone have any theories on who these clowns are? Male reader, posh voice, grammatically challenged?

‘Public service’, my dooze.

– The Snark

*There is now new information, but I need more details and it will have to wait until next week.

0203189115

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