The Hunting of the Snark

16/07/2011

Why on earth would anyone want 6 1/2 movies?

The face of a boy with glasses and a scar on his forehead, rolling his eyes

ComPLETEly ridiculous

As the Harry Potter film franchise fires its final, phenomenal, fantastical shot, I am horrified at the new marketing depths I have just seen Warner Bros. stoop to.

In the supermarket, there is a DVD boxed set for sale of Harry Potter Years 1-7, Part 1.

Are you kidding me? It was bad enough that they produced boxed sets of every sub-series up to that point, although I would have supposed they were hoping they could trick people who weren’t familiar with the books into thinking, ‘Hmm… I’ll get films 1-6 now, then 7-12 when they release those,’ and so on. (Poor Daniel, Rupert and Emma.)

But just exactly how stupid do they think people are? If anyone is enough of a completionist to want a boxed set of the entire series, why, oh why, oh why would they get this product, only to have to get Part 2 all by its lonely self?

– The Snark

11/05/2010

At last we know whom we can trust

Filed under: Snarky — Jeremy Irish @ 16:05
Tags: , , , , , ,

This just in:

Date: Tue, 11 May 2010 15:01:03 +0300 (EAT)
Subject: SCAM ALERT…
From: “DR. DAVID IKENNA”

NIGERIAN FOREIGN PAYMENT INVESTIGATION AGENCY
ANTI- TERRORISM
CLEARANCE/FRAUD UNIT
FALOMO OFFICE COMPLEX IKOYI
LAGOS-NIGERIA.
Motto:Security watch

FROM THE DESK OF :
DR. DAVID B. IKENNA
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
FORIEGN PAYMENT AGENCY
CABLEGRAM: NAPTCOR

Good Day,

RE: FRAUD ALERT/FINAL NOTICE

Based on our findings in this investigation department we wish to warn you
against some Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts who go about scamming innocent
people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image
of this wonderful country. We were informed that some Hoodlums are
contacting you in respect to the collection of your fund which was long
approved in your favour with the Central Bank of Nigeria.

As a matter of fact we have been on this investigation assignments for
some time secretly known to no one but the Presidency and some top
government official who are in support of this investigation team to help
stop fraudalent activities in this country and as well restore the image
that has been tarnished by the below listed group of people.

Although we have been able to come up with some good result about the
people that have extorted money from you illegally and I wish to list them
so that you will personally indicate them by writing back to us with the
name of whom scammed you among them as we want to make sure your payment
is routed to you without any further delay and note that we will surely
deal and bring to book the names of people below if only you will
cooperate with us by co indicating correctly any of them.

… (etc etc etc) …

Finally, we are expecting to hear from you today unfailingly so as to
enable us serve you better and wire your funds into your Bank account as
nominated. Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation and
understanding while we wait for your urgent response.

Yours sincerely,

DR. DAVID B. IKENNA.
(Director, Nigerian Foreign Payment Investigation department)

01/05/2010

Do it just like the banks

I got another call the other night from one of those companies charitably explaining to me that, as a result of recent UK government legislation, I may be entitled to a ‘debt relief order’. They, of course, have no vested interest in the proceedings at all. Presumably the government is happy to pick up the bill as they have done for bank after bank.

This particular marketer has phoned our house a lot. I think the recorded message starts: ‘This is a free public service announcement. Please, do not hang up.’ …yadda yadda, manna from heaven… ‘To hear how you can take advantage of this opportunity and write off up to 100% of your debts, then press “2” on your telephone keypad now.’

The bad grammar is the most offensive thing of all.

Okay, so they’ve had their little joke. Fair do’s. (Dos? Dooze?) Who knows what they tell people who actually try to take them up on it. Me, I just wanted to know who they were because now I am on the Telephone Preference Service register, and I was going to report them.*

So I pressed ‘2’, which did get me through to a real person, but when I asked her what company she was calling from, she hung up. Which. Is. Massively. Illegal.

I couldn’t get a callback number, either. Also illegal. Having done some searches, I’ve come up with a couple of close matches on whocallsme.com: 02031891150 or 02030601580. Anyone have any theories on who these clowns are? Male reader, posh voice, grammatically challenged?

‘Public service’, my dooze.

– The Snark

*There is now new information, but I need more details and it will have to wait until next week.

0203189115

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